Motherhood 101: The Detour

Marriage spelled a new chapter in my life. New dreams; new plans; major decisions to come up with; a new me to unfold right before my very eyes. Yes, I somehow believed that there will be ups and downs but never imagined the magnitude of the down parts could be great that they would actually end up redirecting some of our plans. Naively, I thought, a newly married couple's bliss would be a cycle of petty fights followed by a succession of dreams coming to life one after another. I guess this was how I subconsciously spelled out happily ever after.

Two weeks after my D&C procedure for my second miscarriage, I'm realizing the down times are not simply composed of petty fights. Some down times can be large inkblots on a page they have the potential to destroy the promise of a beautiful story. I guess, if life was a book and this miscarriage is an inkblot in a page and I choose to stare on it again and again, I could conclude that the book is indeed ruined. But, I'm choosing to turn the page.

Some may think it's tragic or that we're kawawa or it's depressing that a year and a half into marriage and this is what we are encountering as we try to grow our family. I won't deny that. It would be a lot better if I could get pregnant easily and carry our baby into term and see our family grow without getting heartbroken because of these miscarriage encounters. But, the fact is, things happened otherwise, we need to accept the circumstances and move on.

Tomorrow will be another page for us. My OB says I might need some workup and she's already recommended me to a colleague specializing in infertility to work on my case. I surely never expected I would be meeting with such a doctor in my lifetime. Well, I never expected a lot of the things that happened in the past few weeks. This is certainly life-curbing... Nevertheless, tomorrow will also mark a major moving on for us. Our inkblots are already there, un-erasable and undeniable, but I have faith that the promise of a beautiful story is also there, un-erasable and undeniable.


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Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"